Onward and Upward
I find myself in a time in my life where I haven't quite let go of the past, but am not quite sure about the future. Middle life is a time that I have allowed to feel like a pause lately, perhaps defining myself through the ideas of who I thought I would be, where I actually landed, and the hopes of where I may still be able to go.
The first half of my life is, incredibly, is already behind me. I feel like I am starting all over again as I look to the next half. I feel an amazing sense of freedom mixed with the fear of what may come. There are beautiful aspects of my life that are here to stay, for which I am eternally grateful, as well as an undefined path before me.
I have realized that it is the hard won beliefs, the confidence from years in the trenches that I take with me everyday. These are the things that will never leave me, they will expand and grow with me as I continue to encounter new people and experiences. I can never lose my sense of self. I can never lose who I am. There is a real excitement in exploring how my painting will tell this story.
I am always astounded at what vehicles of expression show themselves as I work, feeling so much more profound then the quiet moment that they reveal themselves in. In life I think we sometimes feel that the most important moments and lessons will reveal themselves with pomp and circumstance, but it is the unassuming stillness that can bring the true life changing discoveries.
The desire to accomplish more, finally get that retirement account started, and take over the art world will always be there, but the moments living in my personal certainty are the things I have really worked so hard to accomplish, and that's the part that matters most. These certainties often arrive when peace abounds. Much Love : )