Onward and Upward

I find myself in a time in my life where I haven't quite let go of the past, but am not quite sure about the future.  Middle life is a time that I have allowed to feel like a pause lately, perhaps defining myself through the ideas of who I thought I would be, where I actually landed, and the hopes of where I may still be able to go.

The first half of my life is, incredibly, is already behind me. I feel like I am starting all over again as I look to the next half.  I feel an amazing sense of freedom mixed with the fear of what may come.  There are beautiful aspects of my life that are here to stay, for which I am eternally grateful,  as well as an undefined path before me.

I have realized that it is the hard won beliefs, the confidence from years in the trenches that I take with me everyday.  These are the things that will never leave me, they will expand and grow with me as I continue to encounter new people and experiences. I can never lose my sense of self.  I can never lose who I am.  There is a real excitement in exploring how my painting will tell this story. 

I am always astounded at what vehicles of expression show themselves as I work, feeling so much more profound then the quiet moment that they reveal themselves in. In life I think we sometimes feel that the most important moments and lessons will reveal themselves with pomp and circumstance, but it is the unassuming stillness that can bring the true life changing discoveries.

The desire to accomplish more, finally get that retirement account started, and take over the art world will always be there, but the moments living in my personal certainty are the things I have really worked so hard to accomplish, and that's the part that matters most.  These certainties often arrive when peace abounds.  Much Love  :  )

Expansion

As I was thinking about what I would like to share with you for this installment, I came across a television program about the universe, from its' creation to it's present state, to the possibilities to come.  Stephen Hawking's death was the reason the program was aired, and as I watched I realized how closely the vastness of the universe is tied to the expanse of the human mind and spirit.

The program described a law of physics which allows us to understand that the universe is always expanding.  Forms that are moving towards us are imperceptibly tinted in blue as items moving away are tinted red.  We can see this in the matter of the universe which verifies the expansion.  I was blown away to hear this.  I did not have a physics class in high school ( I had to fit art class in my schedule, so something had to give ), so I had not been aware of this phenomenon. And yes, cue the Muppets song.

Painting for me has always been about growth, whether it be emotional, psychological or spiritually in nature.  I have always wanted to illustrate that process, with color and line representing events registering as if on an energetic seismograph.  I now look back and see the reds and blues speaking ever more profoundly about past, present and future mixing on the canvas and forming beliefs, behavior patterns and the very ideas that lead us to define ourselves through our stories.

We are forever expanding as we too are a part of the universe. The energy of our daily events can be like the spark of energy that created the big bang, pushing us forward and challenging us to grow and become more than we ever thought was possible.  The painting detail below is influenced by this idea, showing a glimpse in time of my internal universe. Perhaps the linear aspects are time, or possibly gravity, holding the growth while allowing for the controlled chaos.

This is one of several pieces that will be featured in my next online exhibition.  The pieces will all be created on a handmade paper, expressing the ideas of endless expansion. I hope they will echo with you and maybe affect your trajectory in unexpected but wonderful ways.

Spring Cleaning

 I creep out of the winter, its' tendrils still keeping a slight grasp, and turn to the approaching spring with excitement. I can't help but think about all of the quiet days of introspection which lead to many more days of staying in the house through the polar vortex.

Winter brings an awaking of grief and deep buried sadness that rolls through my mind and ultimately asks to escape through paint and brush.  I am quiet in this time, working on commissions and such, but my most intimate language waits for its' release with the promise of spring.  I feel it starting to simmer, asking to be released.  Exhaustion keeps the bubbling at bay, as I know when I enter the studio a mania of release will ensue. 

I have always worked by engaging in long periods of thought, emotional/psychological processing and finally releasing old patterns, which leads to the illustration of this period and the new found freedoms and peace in the paintings that follow.  This inner process fuels the expression that ultimately completes the cycle, until it starts again. 

It can be incredibly isolating to be a creative at times, but it is balanced by the supreme beauty of the process.  I am blessed to understand my inner see-saw and allow it to flow through me. 

The idea of spring cleaning has such a large meaning beyond the obsessive need that I have to take inventory of every physical item in my home and studio and make them shine,  purging what I don't need, to simplify.  It really is an amazing mirror of the inner landscape, and I know you all are experiencing this in your own individual way.  How will you dump the old junk and birth a new you this spring? 

We are not so different, you and I :  )

My First Real Blog Post

So here it is, my first officially blog.  I have thought long and hard about where to begin but realized I have been on this journey for a long time and I just need to welcome you all aboard.  It is kind of a strange thing to become so transparent about my processes and general life as an artist.  I am going to jump into the deep end and just share, for better or worse.

As this series begins, I will be sharing what it is like to be behind the scenes of an independent artists' life, from my inspirations to my trips to the art store and all the stuff in between, which I hope won't be as painfully boring as I think it could be!  There is actually a lot of juicy turmoil to share, so stay tuned.

I ponder what I would like you to know to begin or continue our relationship, and it is this:  the art you choose to surround yourself with serves as a window into your spirit, your experiences, your hopes, your dreams.  It is a statement of who you are, where you've been, and how you live your life.  Are you up to the challenge of living with art that tells your story?  Are you interesting enough to invite my work to live with you?  I hope so, because I am kinda awesome ;  )

Til we meet again.

Maria